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Help for parents of kids dealing with bullying

September 9, 2011 By Anne 3 Comments

“When a child mentions schoolyard dialog that sounds almost surreal, or reveals an eyebrow raising text message and asks, ‘ok, so what would you say to THIS?’ I want to be able to apply calm, social emotional learning rather than have analysis paralysis with stunned, kneejerk reactions to blunt, crude one-liners, thinking ‘wth? did they really just say that? Yougawdabekiddinme’ More often than not I end up head-shaking ‘I have no response for that’ with awe-struck incredulity. So clearly, I have work to do too,” wrote parent and media-literacy expert Amy Jussel in her thoughtful roundup of resources at ShapingYouth.org for parents and educators helping kids deal with social aggression. That’s how so many parents and educators feel (and certainly always have felt) when a hurt child comes to them about bullying behavior – and the good news is, an uncertain, open-ended approach is actually best. Fast reactions can hurt more than help, because each incident – so individual in terms of who’s involved and why – is often only a snapshot of a chain of reaction or a school’s social milieu (in which aggressors have often been targets themselves). How could any parent or administrator know exactly how to proceed without understanding what’s involved? A thoughtful response involving a lot of listening is an intelligent response. I’m remembering a wise juvenile judge’s statement that “zero tolerance equals zero intelligence,” blanket reactions, disciplinary measures, and policies fitting nicely in the zero tolerance category.

We need to “ramp up Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) and digital citizenship in an effort to not just squash ‘bullying,’ but PREVENT it,” Amy writes. Among other great resources, her article links to author and educator Annie Fox’s new Raymond and Sheila ibook Are You My Friend? for ages 4-8 (ibooks are for the iPhone, iPad, and iPod Touch); Amy’s sidebar on what SEL is (for people new to the subject); and another look at author and bullying expert Rosalind Wiseman’s SEAL Steps. I was pleased that she grabbed my transcription of Rosalind’s explanation of SEAL in an interview she gave Annie Fox in February 2010. It’s the answer to “ok, so what would you say to THIS?” if your child brings that question to you, hurt by another child’s aggression or cruelty. Rosalind explained to Annie the SEAL steps, which show you how to help your child create the space she needs quietly to consider how to stand up for herself – space for her to strategize and you to listen and facilitate. I can’t think of anything more important in post-bullying situation than thinking space before any action is taken by either parent or child. Do check the SEAL steps and the Owning Up Curriculum of which it’s a part – in Amy’s post, mine, or in Annie’s podcast, to which I link.

Related links

  • A New York Times blog post on schools leaving out life lessons
  • Annie Fox’s Parent Responsibility Pledge
  • Rosalind Wiseman’s family tech policy
  • “Clicks & Cliques, Part 1: Really meaty advice for parents”and “Clicks, cliques & cyberbullying, Part 2: Whole-school response is key”
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Filed Under: bullying, cyberbullying, Parenting, Risk & Safety Tagged With: Amy Jussel, Annie Fox, bullying, cyberbullying, family tech policy, Parenting, Rosalind Wiseman, social aggression, zero tolerance

Reader Interactions

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  1. The Bullied: Words of Wisdom — Inversoft says:
    June 11, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    […] “Help for parents of kids dealing with bullying” […]

    Reply
  2. Facebook & Social Emotional Learning — Inversoft says:
    May 28, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    […] for parents on social-emotional learning here, here (on how it improves academic performance as well as social skills), and here (on viral […]

    Reply
  3. Kids deserve the truth about cyberbullying | NetFamilyNews.org says:
    September 15, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    […] “Help for parents dealing with cyberbullying” Permalink Post a comment — Trackback URI RSS 2.0 feed for these comments This entry (permalink) was posted on Thursday, September 15, 2011, at 3:25 pm by Anne. Filed in Research, Risk & Safety, Uncategorized, Youth-Risk Research, cyberbullying, online safety research and tagged cyberbullying, Cyberbullying Research Center, Justin Patchin, online risk research, Sameer Hinduja. […]

    Reply

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Anne Collier


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IMPORTANT RESOURCES

Our (DIGITAL) PARENTING BASICS: Safety + Social
NAMLE, the National Association for Media Literacy Education
CASEL.org & the 5 core social-emotional competencies of SEL
Center for Democracy & Technology
Center for Innovative Public Health Research
Childnet International
Committee for Children
Congressional Internet Caucus Academy
ConnectSafely.org
Control Shift: a pivotal book for Internet safety
Crimes Against Children Research Center
Crisis Textline
Cyber Civil Rights Initiative's Revenge Porn Crisis Line
Cyberwise.org
danah boyd's blog and book about networked youth
Disconnected, Carrie James's book on digital ethics
FOSI.org's Good Digital Parenting
The research of Global Kids Online
The Good Project at Harvard's School of Education
If you watch nothing else: "Parenting in a Digital Age" TED Talk by Prof. Sonia Livingstone
The International Bullying Prevention Association
Let Grow Foundation
Making Caring Common
Raising Digital Natives, author Devorah Heitner's site
Renee Hobbs at the Media Education Lab
MediaSmarts.ca
The New Media Literacies
Report of the Aspen Task Force on Learning & the Internet and our guide to Creating Trusted Learning Environments
The Ruler Approach to social-emotional learning (Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence)
Sources of Strength
"Young & Online: Perspectives on life in a digital age" from young people in 26 countries (via UNICEF)
"Youth Safety on a Living Internet": 2010 report of the Online Safety & Technology Working Group (and my post about it)

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