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We need to work out the social norms of social media: Why?

June 27, 2011 By Anne 9 Comments

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about David Brooks’s column on today’s version of evolution and the new survival of the fittest: survival of the most cooperative, whereby people develop moral communities and the social norms that help those communities succeed. Then I watched Brooks’s TED Talk about a new humanism that’s emerging which expands on that. It’s not the right-leaning New-York-Times-columnist part of Brooks that has struck me, but rather what he’s seeing (and eloquently expressing) about this profound shift we’re all in the middle of – one that I believe is more about our humanity than our technology. I’m seeing what Brooks is seeing from my viewpoint too, at the intersection of youth, the Internet, and parenting. I know it’s an uncomfortable shift for many parents and educators, but it’s ultimately a progressive and even healing one, I think.

In the TED video, Brooks says that “for centuries we’ve inherited a view of human nature based on the notion that we’re divided selves, that reason is separated from the emotions, and that society progresses to the extent that reason can suppress the passions…. This has produced a great amputation, a shallow view of human nature” and – he says at the end, briefly putting on his political analyst’s hat – a lot of policy failures over the past 30 years.

Becoming undivided in the digital age

Looking at this from the perspective of online youth, I think we’re seeing the new-humanism revolution here, too, and we’re experiencing this revolution while using a revolutionary medium (social media) that – by the new conditions it presents us (disinhibition especially, but see also the conditions described by researcher danah boyd) – is almost forcing us to reunite reason and emotion, policy and values, in order to use social media successfully (and avoid more policy failures in this field too). Why does it call for a more undivided, balanced approach? Because the medium we’re talking about is social – any policymaking around it concerns human behavior, sociality and creativity. [BTW, when I say “social media,” you know I don’t just mean “social networking,” right? By “social media” is meant all media that have social or collaborative features, and there are many: e.g., blogs, wikis, Google docs, social games, texting, virtual worlds, photo-sharing, vlogging, tweeting, online auctions, etc., as well as Web- and phone-based social networking, whether educational, recreational, transactional, etc.]

Social norms support safety, success

The arrival of social media, the medium of people’s own interaction and production, by its nature requires us to work out social solutions at least as much as the top-down regulatory ones that were created for the top-down, one-to-many, regulated media of our childhoods – “social” meaning lateral, peer-to-peer, bottom-up, collective. And the main social solution online, as in all of life, is social norms – the social norms of a medium that is also very much a “space” where interaction happens. By definition, this social medium requires us to work out those norms for both our and our children’s own safety and success in this space. And, unprecedentedly, the medium is requiring the social-norm-development process to be a conscious effort on the part of every user – naturally including young users, for the very reason that they are producers, participants, and contributors to its collective product (see this) and no longer just consumers. This is the new media literacy we all need to have (for more on that, see this).

But we’re not starting from scratch! We have social norms in offline life and our online and offline lives are increasingly enmeshed, so really we just need to be sure they govern our online and in-media experiences and behaviors too.

From a control model to an agency one

I see this as a tremendous opportunity for humanity and more specifically for children and families. It may feel very uncomfortable to shift from a control (parental or government) model to a user-agency one, which is part of what user-driven media are requiring of us, but the good news is that agency and participation…

  1. Promote parent-child communication
  2. Foster both emotional and cognitive intelligence
  3. Increase young people’s confidence and self-actualization
  4. Teach us how to function and thrive in community, which is protective and supports each member’s well-being (see this).

I think we have to work through the discomfort quickly, with as much grace as possible not only because of the benefits but also because these new participatory conditions are upon us. But the shift doesn’t put the onus only on individuals (as in requiring self-control); it puts the onus on all of us collectively to get on with adopting and reinforcing the social norms that foster and support that self-control and respectful behavior. It’s going to take time, but as awareness of the need grows, we will all simply find ourselves engaged in it – in homes, schools, and online communities such as Facebook, Xbox Live, virtual worlds, multiplayer online games, etc., with the help of their providers in the media industry, and perhaps some intelligently written laws (I wrote in March that Facebook’s new “social [abuse] reporting” is an early example of how social media services will be contributing to online social-norms development).

I keep writing about this in different ways, inspired by fresh evidence of this thinking wherever I see it. I’m working to raise that awareness, and hope you don’t find it boring because – if not and if you’re with me on this – maybe you’ll help me with the awareness-raising by tweeting or liking it or doing your own writing and letting me know so I can send attention your way! And watch Brooks’s talk – it’s not boring at all. It’s inspiring, and I bet it’ll get you thinking too.

Related links

  • “Survival of the most cooperative?”
  • “Only sometimes ‘alone together’ in a room”
  • “Pink shirts in Canada: Ultimate social norms model”
  • “Social norming: SO key to online safety”
  • “Online Safety 3.0: Empowering & Protecting Youth”
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Filed Under: Literacy & Citizenship, Risk & Safety, social norms Tagged With: online safety, Online Safety 3.0, Social Media, social norms, social Web, youth agency

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Monica says

    August 30, 2011 at 2:49 am

    Excellent! Thanks for bringing clarity to what can be a very muddy topic.

    Reply
  2. Valerie Finnigan says

    July 7, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Regarding social norms online, in the real world if you want to ask someone to join a group, you invite them. You don’t sign them up without their consent. That’s how it used to be with Facebook groups. We’d invite people rather than just go ahead and add them. Now that option has been removed, and people are getting very upset about being added to groups rather than just being invited.

    Reply
    • Anne says

      July 8, 2011 at 1:10 am

      Completely understand, Valerie. And that’s a social norm that needs to be established online as well as offline – and until it becomes the norm, we will rely on or expect the cos. that run the online spaces we spend time in to protect us. I think this is a transitional time we’re in. Does that make sense?

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Assume disinhibition's forever, about everybody? | NetFamilyNews.org says:
    November 18, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    […] “We need to work out the social norms of social media: Why?” […]

    Reply
  2. From 'Born This Way' to Move This Way: A new foundation | NetFamilyNews.org says:
    September 8, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    […] couple of related ConnectSafely and NetFamilyNews links: “We need to work out the social norms of social media: Why?” and “Online Safety 3.0: Empowering and Protecting Youth” Permalink Post a comment […]

    Reply
  3. Parenting in the digital age: Major insights | NetFamilyNews.org says:
    November 15, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    […] “We need to work out the social norms of social media: Why?“ […]

    Reply
  4. Digital citizenship reality check: Notes from Nairobi's IGF | NetFamilyNews.org says:
    September 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    […] A 17-year-old Briton said “We [everybody online] need to establish good social norms as quickly as possible, because that’s what we follow.” Norms have more influence over teens than top-down Internet safety messaging, he told us. And often the presentation of that messaging doesn’t help either: “We believe that scaring youth into safety online is not the way forward. Adult speakers often come across as patronizing to the younger generation.” Another panelist suggested that the best approach to working with his peers is “not scare tactics but welcome-to-the-real-world tactics.” [I wrote about the need for getting social media's social norms more settled here.] […]

    Reply
  5. A fresh look at 'Netiquette' | NetFamilyNews.org says:
    August 25, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    […] “We need to work out the social norms of social media: Why?” Permalink Post a comment — Trackback URI RSS 2.0 feed for these comments This entry (permalink) was posted on Wednesday, August 24, 2011, at 3:31 pm by Anne. Filed in Ethics & Etiquette, Social Media, netiquette and tagged Buck Brannaman, etiquette, manners, netiquette, respect, Teresa Jordan. […]

    Reply
  6. Next step: Crowd-source digital citizenship | NetFamilyNews.org says:
    July 29, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    […] digital selves are different and need special instruction. But humanity does need to establish its time-honored social norms in social media too. We need to extend the civility and ethics we’ve spent thousands of years establishing […]

    Reply

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Our (DIGITAL) PARENTING BASICS: Safety + Social
NAMLE, the National Association for Media Literacy Education
CASEL.org & the 5 core social-emotional competencies of SEL
Center for Democracy & Technology
Center for Innovative Public Health Research
Childnet International
Committee for Children
Congressional Internet Caucus Academy
ConnectSafely.org
Control Shift: a pivotal book for Internet safety
Crimes Against Children Research Center
Crisis Textline
Cyber Civil Rights Initiative's Revenge Porn Crisis Line
Cyberwise.org
danah boyd's blog and book about networked youth
Disconnected, Carrie James's book on digital ethics
FOSI.org's Good Digital Parenting
The research of Global Kids Online
The Good Project at Harvard's School of Education
If you watch nothing else: "Parenting in a Digital Age" TED Talk by Prof. Sonia Livingstone
The International Bullying Prevention Association
Let Grow Foundation
Making Caring Common
Raising Digital Natives, author Devorah Heitner's site
Renee Hobbs at the Media Education Lab
MediaSmarts.ca
The New Media Literacies
Report of the Aspen Task Force on Learning & the Internet and our guide to Creating Trusted Learning Environments
The Ruler Approach to social-emotional learning (Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence)
Sources of Strength
"Young & Online: Perspectives on life in a digital age" from young people in 26 countries (via UNICEF)
"Youth Safety on a Living Internet": 2010 report of the Online Safety & Technology Working Group (and my post about it)

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